Category: Uncategorized
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Very Little
I never realized how much I valued the feedback of my mother until I no longer had access to it. I never realized how much I relied on my mother until she was no longer there. I never realized how much we all took her for granted. All the little things were really so big.…
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Wrong Number
My son received a new phone for his birthday. His phone number changed so after set up and before handing it off, I messaged all his contacts alerting them of his new number. Accidentally, my mom’s (his grandmother’s) number was included in the texts. A minute or so later, my mother’s number responded “Wrong number.”…
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Flop
I was attempting to walk into Walmart with my 3 kids when this occurred. I made it halfway. Walmart parking lots are always huge. It was 100+ degrees outside. I was due to be at work in a couple hours so I was in a hurry. My work shift assignment was a private party for…
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This is really 40
No doubt, this is bound to be the toughest birthday yet. I’m turning 40, the age that everyone dreads. “Over the hill.” Closer to death. I feel that. In all of my bones. My daughter took her first steps on Friday! The boys and I were so excited, yelling and screaming, hoping to encourage her…
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Father’s Day
I have mourned the loss of my older brother for over 20 years. He took himself away from us by suicide. I’ve mourned the loss of my mother. Cancer robbed us of her. And what I have come to realize is I have also been mourning the loss of a person just as much a…
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Change
This has certainly been a year of change. After so much frustration, struggle, etc., I pronounced I would take control of the matters I could change. I am determined to no longer allow life to make my decisions for me. We are not as helpless as our mind can lead us to believe. Now…. to…
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The Tears Tonight
My 4 year old has been breaking down quite a bit lately. When his dad leaves for work, he’ll go into the ugly cute cry saying, “Daddy, I’ll miss you.” Or when I lay with him before bed, sometimes he’ll go into the same ugly cute cry, saying, “I don’t want you to die.” After…
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God
I don’t believe in God. The bible and it’s characters are to me just another collection of Greek Mythology tales. My mother was always letdown by this. She believed her Lord was with her till her last breath. It brought her peace. I appreciate that about religion. No matter how nutty it really is, this…
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FUCK CANCER
I wait. I wait for my dad’s biopsy on his nose that’s clearly skin cancer. The sore gets larger every time we see him. Every trip to the dermatologist, he has little cancers burned off from years of yard work without a shirt or sunscreen. I try not to worry. My step dad has deep…
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My heart beating
My older brother called last week, right before Thanksgiving. He said he’d received a text asking if he’d come pick up a few large items I had requested of my mom’s. The sender of the text is obvious. And my number hasn’t changed. But anyway…. I didn’t cry. I was angry. But, sadness had not…
