On my drive to either pick up or drop off my kids to school, I had an epiphany. I began to think about what I want my life to look like. I envisioned the following:
Enough.
Enough time to do all the things I want to do. Travel. Watch my kids grow up. Have large gaps of time where I can spend it with my husband doing some of the most mundane things. Take long walks with him in different cities. Have coffee with him without a computer screen or smart phone between us.
Enough.
Enough energy to play with my kids. I don’t do that as much anymore. I’m tired. We’re busy. I have chores on errands, on commitments that weigh me down daily. My focus isn’t on enjoying them and being present like I would like it to be. I want run around with them and play and laugh and enjoy them before they’re all grown up and I’m really tired.
Enough.
I want to provide enough for my people. What that means is I want to give my brother the financial stability to retire and tinker with all his hobbies and projects. I want to pay off my friend, Michelle’s house and have fun doing a remodel that her family could enjoy for years to come. It’s the least I can do since it’s my second home & where I go to escape my responsibilities. I want to buy my step daughter a home in Orange County for her and her family to be close to us so that all of her siblings and her kids can finish growing up together. There is so much more I yearn to do. If only I had enough to do it.
“The biggest present you can give are options.” -Daren Martin
When I look at my life currently, I know I have enough. I have my partner in life, my babies, my pups, my health, my friends, my brother and sister, and my family. If I’m being honest however, at times it feels like i’m living on borrowed circumstances. Mortgage. Debt. Car payments. Doctor appointments. Medical bills. Cost of living. Sports tournaments. Practices. Chores. Full calendars. Work. Meetings. And on and on and on.
I don’t get enough one on one time with my husband. The same is true with the rest of those I mentioned. We’re getting older. I worry a lot about my siblings and their health. I’m the youngest with an age gap of 8 and 13 years between us. I’m 45. They are both lifetime smokers. I’ll leave it at that.
With enough, you have the option to do and be and have and see. You can be more present. You can be the most engaged, the most present, the most excited, and the most at peace. You aren’t concerned with the chase to get there. You’re there. You have the most beautiful and ideal circumstance that anyone could ever have. You have options.
“Lay out your options, dismiss the ones that are of zero appeal, and focus on those that not only excite you, but make sense to you.” – Lauren Lola
I want options. I want freedom. I want to be able to allow my husband the freedom to attend his kid’s practices while creating his next big idea. I want him to have the kitchen of his dreams to create the dishes of mine. I want my kids to see this and I want for them to see it soon.
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