This isn’t a New Year’s Resolution post.
I’ve decided that I am in control of my life and what happens next. It’s taken me a long time to reach this mindset. The safety net that was my Mom and my Dad is gone. I’ve been wondering what will catch me now. I can’t fathom not having that extra sense of relief.
I look to my husband for the similar sense of that security but it’s just not the same. Not that he isn’t safe. It’s that he is side by side with me, navigating these high wire moments. We are hand in hand in this life. What is his is mine and vice versa. Fear. Doubt. Loss. All of it.
I envision a different life for me now. It’s wonderful. I want to get to that destination. I hope I’m not too late. Am I too naive to think this new life is possible?
I asked my oldest son last night what his goal was. His response, “To become the captain of my football team.” This is a big goal. He’s quiet, chubby, slow, and lacks the aggressive trait you would affiliate with those in this position. But, I believe he can do it. I believe in him 100%. I am his mother. In my eyes, he can do anything. Just as my parents believed in me.
Maybe that is all we need.
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