He is going, I have little doubt. He’s not dying. But he fails to exist among us except for in our hopes. With denial, you reach for possible scenarios that might gently explain why. I’m reaching too far and the stretch is beyond painful. I fought my intuition. I ignored the loud and intrusive clues.
You became apart of my story 31 years ago. I am mid-sentence, and you have slapped “The End” on to the page.
My mom, I am certain, is ashamed.
I wrote this 2 months ago but never published it. I still held on to that little bit of hope that I was wrong. I wasn’t.
I never envisioned life without my mom. So I never gave any thought to maintaining the relationship with my step dad. There is no manual or model to compare my situation to, that I’m aware of. I fought hard to continue to keep my step dad close. Something in my heart told me that everything would change. It did.
He’s engaged. My mom has not been dead a year. Life goes on. There are some things you are unable to prepare your heart for. When I heard the news from none other than my real dad, I knew. No longer classified as family or his inner circle, my mom’s family became the past.
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