Symbiosis is any type of a close and long-term biological interaction between two different species, be it mutualistic, commensalistic, or parasitic. In 1879, Heinrich Anton de Bary defined it as “the living together of unlike organisms.”
If he and I aren’t a living example of symbiosis, nothin’ is.
He came up with the hashtag #livingwithBobs. I feel ashamed at some of the stuff that I could easily post on Social Media. Sometimes I really want to shame him. My husband is a FREAKIN’ disaster!
Before I go any further, I feel as though there are a few things you MUST know about him. I love him. I’m in love with him. He is an amazing person, man, husband, dad, and friend. He’s extremely intelligent. He knows a ton about a ton. I’m talking keywords: Software Architect, Algorithms, easy recall on mundane facts related to Latin, history, etc., and the ability to recite the writings of old, dead poets and writers only literary nuts would even know of. He’s extremely well-rounded. People naturally gravitate to him. He has a confidence like no one I’ve ever met. He’s athletic. When you talk to him, he has a way of making you feel like you’re the most interesting person he’s ever met. And, he’s not a salesman.
That being said, Jesus Christ!
If you ask my husband a question and he doesn’t know the answer, you’ll still receive an answer. It’s likely to be incorrect, but he delivers.
If you ask my husband to do something, he will almost always say “yes,” depending on what it is. In my world, this includes the following: loading/unloading the dishwasher, cleaning the kitchen, putting up the leftovers, picking up his shoes and socks from the den, changing out the laundry, leaving work early to attend an important event, feeding the dogs, shutting the garage, etc., etc. If I don’t stare him down until he gets up to do whatever task I’ve requested, there’s an 85% chance that it’s not gonna happen for me. He will agree to anything to get you to stop talking. He will forget as soon as you’ve disappeared from his sight. What I’ve begun doing is taking pictures and texting them to him while he’s at work. Sometimes I think he genuinely feels bad for not doing what he said he would. But, that feeling doesn’t last too long.
The thing with my husband is that he does not dwell. He is “present.” He is experiencing life as it is happening. I know most of us can’t say that we have this ability. To observe him and to see how easily he is able to do this is pretty fascinating. It’s an amazing ability for my children’s father to have and to display to them.
My husband said to me this morning, “Instead of telling me what you’re worried about, give me a list of what you’re not worried about.” I had been attempting to make him understand why I felt like the weight of the world is all on my shoulders. Currently, I do have a lot on my mind and I don’t think he’d disagree. I’m grieving the loss of my mother while days away from having a daughter of my own. I’m experiencing a lot of change, realizations, emotions, hormones, anxiety, and sadness. But, even before many of these life-altering changes occurred, I was always a big, fat, hairy, fiery, stupid ball of stress and nerves. I’ve never known how to really be “in the moment.” I’ve never really understood how my husband can be so still. Calm.
I hate uncertainty. I hate discomfort. I fear challenge. I avoid confrontation. I crave organization. I’m extremely OCD. I rely on a life that is overly predictable. Easy. I want to only allow in what I am prepared for. Spontaneity… winging it… NOT MY DEAL. I worry. I worry. I worry. I think. And, I worry. All. The. Time. I can’t shut it off. I’m being taught time and time again via various life lessons I was unable to predict, that life cannot be contained in what I am allowing or what I will be comfortable with. And do you want to know what!? My husband, whom I’ve briefly mentioned in previous sentences, wraps his big, sexy, strong arms around all that shit that I just cannot freakin’ handle. He embraces it. He uses it. He takes advantage of all of this stuff I try to avoid. He doesn’t allow what he cannot control, in fact, control him. He is right in line with the way that the world is turning, if that even makes any sense. He’s leaning into what is to direct him, listening to subtle cues about where and what the universe is saying, as the universe is saying it. He’s not off in his own headspace, like myself, thinking about what needs to get done, how it’s going to get done, and when it’s going to get done. He’s not worried about loading the god damn dish washer. He’s existing. He’s living. I can’t say this for the majority of the time I’ve been alive.
We’ve lived together since 2002. We’ve been together since 2001. He caught my eye since 2000. He is my opposite in just about every single way you could imagine – even in our appearance, which is extremely apparent. We are two VERY DIFFERENT species. And as I’ve mentioned, the kid makes me bat shit crazy sometimes. But, it is also because of him that we are where we are in our life, with our little growing family. He knows me better than anyone in this world. Same same. Although he’s not AS predictable, I know him. He’s home to me. He’s life to me. He’s the certainty, the reliability, and just the symbiosis I can’t live without.
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